I have always wanted to be a mom. Not in the “what do you want to be when you grow up?” kind of way. (And power to you if that was you! You do you girl!) But I have always known that being a mom was on the horizon for me.
Things didn’t work out the way that I thought they should. We are taught, consciously or not, that we go to school, date someone, get engaged, get married, buy a house, have kids. Bam. Life.
I started out on the “right” path, I finished high school, went to college and university. I dated two guys seriously (not at the same time!) Then it came time for me to finish my schooling. In 2005 I made the decision to go to Australia for 2006. It was hard, it ended an already dying relationship, but it was the best decision I made! I had a fabulous time. I finished my education, I travelled, I experienced new things. It was the best.
When I came home I was focused on my career. Or lack of career… I worked at a sports store while volunteering in a classroom and living at home. It wasn’t easy and didn’t leave much time for me to date. But it paid off. In 2008 I got accepted as a supply teacher! I continued to work part-time on top of this. Talk about busy. But my dreams were coming true!
I was very lucky, I only supplied a few months before I landed my first LTO (long-term occasional for you non-teachers). I hopped from LTO to LTO until I snagged a half time, permanent position in 2010 at a small school in the country.
Now that I was permanent, I stopped the part-time work (not so smart now that I look back on that! Hello extra money is great!) but was still busy with the planning and organizing that comes with teaching a new grade. I dated a bit, but nothing serious.
During this time most, if not basically all, my friends were married or engaged or having babies, or some sort of combination of all three. So I decided to join a dating website to see who was out there.
Not a lot. Maybe I was just being picky. Scratch that, I know I was being picky. When one is still single after 30 odd years of living, you don’t just settle now! Dating sucks. People who say otherwise are married and crazy. Dating is like having another full-time job. But it is kind of like the movie Groundhog Day. In that you are repeating the same day or in this case, the first date over again, but with a different guy!
This was frustrating on so many levels. I wanted a to be in a relationship so that I could eventually fall in love, get married, travel and see the world. Then start a family. It was incredibly frustrating that it just wasn’t happening to me. I cried many a tear for this, in what I like to refer to as a pity party for one.
Now don’t get me wrong, I did have relationships during this time. I met guys through friends and through online dating but nothing ‘stuck’ so to speak.
So I began to think I was going to be single forever. This was hard. I didn’t want to to be single forever, I wanted to find someone. I kept thinking:
‘What is WRONG with me!!??’
‘What am I doing wrong?’
‘Why am I so undateable?’
Well-meaning friends kept telling me that it would happen. I would find the one… well, you can only hear that for so many years before you start to doubt them….
Now, I like myself. I think I am pretty neat. I don’t need anyone to complete me. I’m not looking for my better half, I am a whole person, by myself, I complete me. What I am looking for someone to compliment me. So while being single was (and to a point still is) upsetting, I have come to accept it. It is not the end of the world. My life is pretty sweet and I am pretty happy. I have travelled quite a bit. I own a house, I have a car, I love my job, and my friends and family are simply the best. EVER. I have a great life!
But something was missing.
I still wanted to be a mom. That never changed.
I had always joked that I would do it by myself at 30, become a single mom. Well, 30 came and went. I thought, maybe I will meet someone now, 30 is still young. If I am single by 35…
35 came and went.
I was dating someone, I thought maybe…
pweft… who was I kidding. He was NOT the right person for me. I ended that, dated someone else, but just wasn’t into it.
Becoming a Single Mom
36 was coming up fast and I had a decision to make. So I broke it off with the guy I was seeing (faded out, pulled away.. ghosted…whatever…) and took the first step to becoming a single mom by choice.
I told a few of my friends that I was serious and was going become a single mom (they were all incredibly supportive). I then found a clinic, printed off the referral form, made an appointment with my doctors and decided it is time to tell my parents about my plan.
Telling my Parents
I was frightened of their reaction. Would they be disappointed in me? Would they want me to wait to find “the one.” I had a myriad of thoughts and questions running through my mind of what they might say. After all, this isn’t how it is supposed to be! I was supposed to be married THEN have a baby!
Well, it turns out that I really had nothing to worry about. My parents were and still are, 100% on board with what my becoming a single mom. They were supportive and even excited! My mom wanted to be involved in the process; my dad was happy for me. I was delighted!
So, the day after I turned 36 I had my first appointment at the fertility clinic. My life as I knew it was about to change forever (so cliche but so true).
March 30th, 2016 was the first day of my journey to becoming a single mother by choice.