A look back at my first trimester

First Trimester

During the first 3 months of my pregnancy, I had morning sickness. (Check this link out to see a few ways to combat this!)

Well, that isn’t really true.

For my first month, I felt AWESOME! I even went on a rad trip with a friend of mine. You can read all about our great lake adventures here.(to be added soon)

Second Month

But once that 4 or 5-week mark hit, I started to not feel so great. Perfect timing too… I was heading back to work. At a new school. Where I knew no one. To say I was a bit stressed is an understatement.

A single moms journey through her first trimester. Click to read about her experience.

 

It started with 24/7 nausea. That was fun. I would wake up feeling sick and go to bed feeling sick. Nothing ever came of it, just that constant nauseous feeling. Smells started to bother me too. I wanted to paint the baby’s room (a lovely grey since I didn’t know what I was having) and I had to stay at my parent’s place for like a week. Every Time I went home the smell would overwhelm me and I would feel worse. But I had to have it done!

 

Oh, food…

Then food started to gross me out. Meat was the first to go. The smell of it cooking really turned my stomach. All meat too, which was super sad! I went to some car races with some friends and for dinner, we went to this delicious burger place. Instead of having a yummy burger I had fries and garlic bread.

For my meal.

Yay carbs!

As the days progressed, ALL vegetables started to gross me out. I was eating a stir fry that I made and I put a mouthful in and then I spit that mouthful right back out.

I couldn’t stomach it. Brutal. Eating became a chore.

The nausea slowly turned into morning sickness. I was blessed in that, I was sick in the mornings only now. But my stomach was still not accepting all food. Even my staple of oatmeal and fruit was now out the window.

It was like my stomach had turned into a cow’s stomach that could differentiate between food groups! I would have my oatmeal with blueberries and strawberries, then 10 minutes later be sick, but only sick with the fruit. The oatmeal stayed down. HA.

Giving up orange juice was hard. I LOVE my OJ in the mornings but man did that make me sick.

I swear, for the first 3 months I survived on carbs and carbs alone.

Also, I had really low blood pressure, I felt dizzy often throughout the day and I would see stars and have to sit down (sometimes in the most inopportune spots and times).

I was super stoked when I hit 3 months for so many reasons. This had to mean that my morning sickness would stop and then and I could tell everyone I was pregnant!

Third Month

My 3-month mark was around Halloween, so I bought this super cute shirt to make my school announcement and my facebook announcement (it’s not real until it is on Facebook right! HA). I was totally bummed that only one grade 5 class got what my shirt was saying! No one else commented. My FB post, however, was a hit!

My nausea, morning sickness and blood pressure, however, didn’t get better. It didn’t get worse, but no improvement.

How were your first three months of pregnancy? Were you lucky enough to not get morning sickness? Let me know below.

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

My two week wait: Am I pregnant?

After waiting the two weeks it was time to find out for sure if the insemination took. Click to find out!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was a long two-week wait! Partially because I was so sick the first week but mostly because just waiting for things seems to make the time go slower!  I didn’t have the urge to take an at-home pregnancy test. Which sounds odd, but I knew I would be getting a blood test that would be definitive so I just told myself that was the only way to know.

On Saturday, August 20th I went to my clinic for 8 am to find out my results. I am SO glad this was an early appointment. By now I was POSITIVE that I was pregnant. I was going by my only symptom which was tender breasts. I never experienced that feeling before so to me, that meant pregnancy.

I checked in, waited in the little waiting room to be called, got my blood taken and, well the rest is a blur actually. I have no idea what happened next. Did they bring me into an office or into the patient room? Was it a doctor or a nurse or a resident? No idea. All I know is that I was right!!

I WAS PREGNANT!!

I couldn’t believe it! I was so thrilled and so thankful. I know how hard this journey is and to get pregnant on my first try is really a miracle.

The next 12 weeks were a blur of weekly to biweekly ultrasounds and decisions to make about getting the Trisomy 21 test (non-evasive, ultrasound screening).

The decision to test for Trisomy 21 is a very private and personal one. We all have our own reasons to test or not to test and those should be respected by others.  Do your research and trust your heart.  Do what you need to do to be happy and comfortable.  

I loved going in weekly, then bi-weekly and getting to see how my little baby was growing.  It was an amazing way to start my day and I always left feeling reassured that there was still a baby in me!

How many tries did it take you to become pregnant?

 

SaveSave

SaveSave

Monthly ‘to do’ list for a happy pregnancy

Becoming a new mom can be overwhelming. So many things to do and get ready. Where do you begin? What do you need to do? Try to stop stressing (easier said than done, I know!) and know that it will all get done when it get’s done. You are pregnant make the time to just enjoy your pregnancy and all that comes with it.  

Overwhelmed with all that you have to do during your pregnancy? So was I. That is why I followed this monthly to do list to help get me organized.

Month 1

Many soon to be moms don’t even know they are pregnant in this month!! Rejoice in your little secret!  Smile more, download the pregnancy app of choice (I used Baby Center) and just continue living as normal, only with a sweet secret growing inside of you!!

Month 2

Morning sickness may have hit by now if it hasn’t already. Stock up on plain crackers and ginger related items. Give yourself permission to be annoyed. Yes, you wanted this baby more then anything, yes you are eternally grateful to be pregnant. But yes, morning sickness is the worst. Just keep in mind, being sick means the baby is still there. Wondering how to beat morning sickness? Check out my post here.

Month 3

Start thinking about, if you haven’t already, how you want to tell the world you are pregnant!! Pinterest has some great ideas! Maybe you are announcing around a holiday or celebration and you could tie it in that way! I hit my 3rd month around Halloween. I special ordered a shirt that had a skeleton and a skeleton baby on it. Similar to this one. I made sure that I told everyone in person that I wanted too and then I wore the shirt to school on Halloween and then made a Facebook post about it.  It was super cute if I do say so myself!

Month 4

Hopefully, your morning sickness is gone and you are feeling better, getting that second wind so to speak! Look into some local classes around your area. Maybe try prenatal yoga, or see if there is a mom to be group that gets together.  A friend mentioned The Womb in Milton that she says has been a saving grace for her. It is a place that is for like-minded moms all going through the same types of things. A place to go and chat and feel like you belong.

http://www.thewomb.ca

Month 5

Look into taking prenatal classes as they fill up quickly!! The info was interesting and I did learn a few new things! If you haven’t been around babies much it’s a great place to ask those burning questions! I brought my mom with me as my support, but they were open to you bringing whoever you needed.  I actually had another SMBC in my class!

Month 6

Search out travel systems or car seats if you haven’t.  Go ‘test’ out a few strollers and see what you like. I was stuck between two, and the thing that cinched it for me was one of the strollers had a large plastic button in the middle of the handlebar. I tended to try to push the stroller with one hand there and it drove me crazy!!  Just keep in mind most strollers do the same things, it really isn’t as huge a decision as I made it out to be!!  ALSO book the car seat clinic now. I waited and the only day they had available was my daughter’s due date… and as she came early that wouldn’t have worked out too well. Thank goodness there was a cancellation!  They were wonderful and put the car seat in for me and showed me what to do! Bring your user manual with you!

Month 7

Buy diapers. Buy boxes and boxes. You are probably working right now so you have more income to spend! Diapers are expensive, it is easier to buy them now and eat at home one night, then it will be on maternity leave.  I purchased 3 boxes of newborns and 4 boxes of size 1. I wish I had purchased more! I looked for sales and used coupons. If you don’t open the boxes, a certain big box store that shall not be named will exchange sizes for you if you buy too many of one size.  While storing this many diapers made me look like a hoarder, I was super happy to have them on hand!

Month 8

Nesting. It is a thing. Just accept that you will want to clean all the things and fold all the teeny tiny cute little baby clothes. You will want to put away (and probably smell) the super small diapers and get your nursery ready if it isn’t already.  Nest away! Don’t use harsh cleaners though! Ask a friend or parent to do that part for you. Stay safe while making your home ready for baby!

Month 9

Take some time for yourself. Get a pedi, I am sure if you were like me, you haven’t seen your toes in a while! If you can, book a prenatal massage (if midwife/doctor says it’s okay!). Take the time off work, again if you are able to, and just do nothing. Binge watch a new show on Netflix, have a pyjama day and do nothing but eat chips, drink water and watch old movies. Whatever makes you happy! Enjoy some solitude and enjoy feeling your baby move inside of you!

What would you add to this list? Let me know in the comments!

 

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

First time pregnant? Here are some great month by month tips for having a great pregnancy!

5 Ways To Beat Morning Sickness

I had morning sickness. It was awful. Granted not Princess Kate awful, but not fun, nonetheless.

At first, I just felt nauseous. All. The. Time. I would wake up and go to bed feeling sick. This went on for a little over a month. Then I started being sick in in the morning. Now, this was great because all-day nausea left, but being sick sucks.  My morning sickness lasted well into my second, trimester. I also had crazy low blood pressure well into my third trimester. So fun.

If you are lucky, you too can be one of the 80% of women who get morning sickness (according to one site, the numbers change where you google). Lucky for you I have this handy dandy list of things to try if you are overcome with morning sickness side effects like nausea and vomiting.

Morning sickness is the worst! Here are 5 ways to try and settle your stomach.

1. Crackers

Eating before you get out of bed will help curb your morning sickness. Getting something into your stomach before moving can be very helpful. Crumbs? Sure, but what are a few crumbs when you will feel less queasy and like dying. I kept saltines beside my bed in a container (no one likes stale crackers!) and would sit up a bit, eat a few before getting on with my day.

2. Ginger

I had ginger tea, ginger tablets and ginger in my water. This made ginger and me good friends. I would make some ginger tea from Davids Tea and slowly sip on that throughout the morning. So I had my Dad buy me some ginger tablets to take at night (Yup, I was super lucky and had my morning sickness 24 hours a day) and it seemed to help a bit.

3. Essential Oils

I was VERY worried about using essential oils during my pregnancy and tended to stay away. BUT there is nothing wrong with using them (always do your own research about this). There are a few to stay clear from (clary calm is one!) but the vast majority of them are fine for use. I use Doterra and their Digestzen is wonderful! Using a carrier oil like Fractionated Coconut Oil and a drop of the oil, rubbing in a clockwise direction helped calm the stomach and in turn my morning sickness. Sometimes smelling/inhaling an oil that I loved calmed me down and made me feel better. There is lots of info out there on this subject.

4. Drugs

If your morning sickness gets really bad, or if you have just had enough (we all have different levels of tolerance) go to your doctor or midwife and let them know. There is something you can take that is safe for you and the baby. I took it. It helped.

5. Floor

If all else fails just lay on the floor. It’s cool. It’s horizontal. And who cares. You hurt. I would go from laying on my bedroom floor to bathroom floor to the kitchen floor. Then I would drive to work, go to the washroom and lay on that floor until about 9 am.  So gross I know, but I felt so gross I didn’t even care. Then the tea the drugs and the oils started to kick in and I could be somewhat functional for the day.

Let me know in the comments what helped you get through your morning sickness.

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

From insemination to feeling weird in 3 days

3 days after being inseminated I felt an unbelievable pain in my lower back and stomach. With so many negative thoughts going on in my brain I headed to the hospital. Read on to find out what happened to me.

I felt certain I was pregnant. I had no reason to think this, but that is how I felt.  I had hoped this would be the case, that I would just know that I was pregnant.  I just felt different.

Then I really felt something.

PAIN.

A lot of pain.

Now I don’t have the highest pain tolerance around… Some might call me a wimp… But I really didn’t feel great.

I was working summer school, the first day, and I just felt odd. My lower back was KILLING ME, and my stomach hurt quite a bit.  It was a big struggle to make it through the day. I went home to bed, thinking I might have caught something.

The next day I didn’t feel much better. So much so that I left work early and went to my doctors. My back was still killing me, and I was struggling to stand up because of the pain. My doctor is amazing and I got in to see him right away. I explained what was happening, he did an exam and then had me lay down on the bed.   My doctor went and called the fertility clinic to see if they could get me in for an ultrasound to see what was going on.

They could not.

My doctor said I should go to the hospital, so I called my mom at work. She didn’t answer… I called my brother… He didn’t answer… I was basically in tears, no one was around and I hurt!!  My mom called me back quite quickly and I told her the scoop and she left work to come and get me. Bless my doctor for letting me lay in a half sleep/mostly pained state in one of their exam rooms while I waited for my mom.

She arrived, we left to the hospital. I checked in and was told to wait. Now I consider myself very lucky to live in Canada. I don’t to pay for my hospital visit. It is covered. But man sometimes the wait times are killer.

I waited.

And waited.

I watched the woman who checked in with triage after me, leave and come back with a sweatshirt and food… Soooo you’re sick enough to come to the hospital, but not so sick that you can’t walk back home and get food and more clothes… right…  all while I try to not wither in pain and DIE.

Dramatic much?!?

I finally was led in (perhaps because I threatened to lay on the ground because I could no longer sit due to the pain or just because it was my turn) and given a cot to lay on. They brought me warmed blankets (really the only good part of being in the hospital is warm blankets).  And we waited some more.

At this point, I am starving. I was told at triage to not eat or drink, and it had been quite a few hours.  Finally, a doctor comes in, I explain what is going on, they take blood and he says I will have to have an exam.

Great.

Not only is the doctor male, but he is smoking hot. Then they get a nurse to assist.

Yes. A male nurse. A smoking hot male nurse.

Brilliant.

Here I am, not showered, in pain, looking like lord knows what, and these two smoking hot males are going to do an exam on me. Awesome.

They find nothing. But the blood work comes back and they say I am pregnant. (see!) However because it was so close to my insemination date, and I got that shot to get the process started, they can’t actually say I am pregnant. The shot is a hormone which comes across as pregnant, which is why we are told to not do a home test for the first two weeks.

They then send me, in my mother’s directionally challenged hands, to go find the ultrasound clinic in the hospital because I need an internal ultrasound. Great. So here I am in pain, trying to direct my mother where we should be going and trying to not snap because she is helping and I literally would not be able to get there without her.  Why do they make hospitals so confusing!?

It’s like 11 pm at this point.

Turns out I had an ovarian cyst rupture. Hence the pain.

So because I have been at the hospital for HOURS and haven’t eaten anything, the doctors have to hook me up to an IV and give me fluids because I am so dehydrated. I needed two bags before we could go home.

At 4 am.

After still not eating.

What a long day.

The hospital and staff were amazing, it just was a lot of waiting… and not eating. I love my food.

My poor mom didn’t get to eat either! AND because my dad was out of town, my parent’s poor dogs were home alone from 8 am until 4 am!! Poor things!

So after my night in the hospital, all turned out well. I was off work for the rest of the week and started feeling better after a few days. Want to know if I was really pregnant or not? Stay tuned!

What an adventure!

Comment below and let me know if you had anything happen when you were pregnant!

 

SaveSave

SaveSave

Will the medication be successful?

Having to give myself daily needles didn't thrill me, to say the least. But I knew it had to be done so I could hopefully have a baby.  Would this all lead to insemination? Read on to find out!

I head home with my needles (which need to be refrigerated. So if you live further than 20 or so minutes from the clinic bring icepacks in a cooler) and a new sense of dread… Er excitement.  I have to give myself a shot every morning in the thigh or stomach. I started in the stomach and eventually moved to thigh.  Then had to give myself a BIGGER needle in the evening.

I started to get pretty good at giving myself the needles, but it still made me feel woozy afterwards.

I remember texting my mom to say I felt so faint giving myself the needles one morning and then went back to bed. My mom called me like 30 minutes later in a panic, she had driven to my house thinking I had passed out! She was freaking because I didn’t answer her text!!

I was like what text are you referring to?  She said, “the text I sent asking if you were alright!!!” I checked my phone…  No text was sent.

That is love for you though! I told my mom I was fine, and my friend had slept over that night so I was all good. You have to love moms!

I took the drugs for 8 days.

During these 8 days, I went to the clinic every other day. They were looking for a few things. That my lining needed to be greater than 7mm. My follicle needed to be 17-22mm and my estrogen level needed to surge.

Here is what my second cycle looked like:

Day 11 – July 28
Lining – 5mm
Follicle – 11mm on my right
Estrogen – 279

Day 13 – July 31
Lining – 5 mm
Follicle – 12 mm and 11 mm
Estrogen – 334
LH – 6

Day 16 – Aug 2
Lining – 5 mm
Follicle – 12mm and 11 mm
Estrogen – 627
LH – 6
It is always so disappointing when nothing changes!

Day 18 – Aug 4
Lining – 6
Follicle – 15mm, 13mm and 10 mm – so now there are three….
Estrogen – 1365
LH – 7.8

Day 19 – Aug 5
Lining – 6mm
Follicle – 19mm, 18mm and 11mm – two of them are now big enough!
LH –

At this appointment, when they told me the sizes, I freaked and asked when we were going to do this because HELLO TRIPLETS! They said that they were glad I felt that way (I was like what?! I’m panicked!!) and told me that we would be doing the insemination the next day on Aug 6th.

YAHOO! So I was given an HCG (Human chorionic gonadotropin) shot in my arm that induces ovulation – releasing the eggs from the follicles – and sent home with an appointment for 11 am the next day.

I told my parents what was happening and asked my mom to come with. So on Saturday, I woke up pretty excited for the day! I knew what to expect (sort of) but was still nervous… Do I dress up? Should I wear makeup? Hair up or down… haha Really though, I may have thought about this…

In the end, I threw on some clothes and made sure I was clean. When I look back on it now, I couldn’t tell you what I wore or how my hair was…

😀

I arrived with my mom for the appointment and my mom stayed in the waiting room while I was taken to an exam room (the same rooms I was in for my appointments). The doctor came in and introduced herself. It was not MY doctor that I was assigned to, she wasn’t in that day. The doctor explained what was going to happen. They brought the specimen for me and I had to check that the donor number matched and sign to say I agreed.

Then I was to lay down on the table, the doctor showed me what was going to be used (it is way smaller then I thought) and the procedure happened. It took like 1 minute. I had to lay on the bed for about 5 minutes after. I didn’t have to put my legs up because they place the sperm into your cervix so basically they have an easier time of it and it can’t ‘fall out’.

Yes, I asked.

Afterwards, I got dressed and went home.

All in all pretty blase. But totally exciting.

I continued on with the rest of my day like nothing had happened. There was a wedding that day which was a lot of fun! Obviously, I didn’t drink, which was odd for people to see, but I just said I was driving.  I did enjoy the food, dancing and all other wedding fun.

It felt so weird to be out and about carrying on like nothing had happened, when in fact something major had!! I could be a mom!! It could be happening RIGHT NOW!  Such a strange and wonderful feeling. Like a secret. A sweet, beautiful secret.

 

How was your experience the first time? Comment below!

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

Will the first time be a charm?

My first cycle was happening and I was excited! I could soon be a single mom. I wasn't sure it was going to work though. Would my follicles get big enough so I could inseminate? Read on to find out!

So with the donor sperm waiting for me at the clinic, the only thing left to do was to ovulate. Haha. 3 days after my period I started my first cycle. I went daily or every other day to get tested (blood and ultrasound). They checked how big my follicles were getting and eventually let me know when I would surge (when my luteinizing hormone (LH) rises to start ovulation) so then I could be inseminated and become a single mom!

My first month was unmedicated like I wanted, but it didn’t go so great.  I took notes every appointment, here is what this cycle looked like for me:

First cycle

Day 3 – June 29
Lining – 4mm
Follicle – 12mm
Estrogen -173

Day 5 – July 1
Lining – 6mm
Follicle – 14mm
Estrogen – 403
LH – 15

Day 7 – July 3
Lining – 6mm
Follicle – 14 mm (no change! sad!)
Estrogen – 709 (at least my estrogen isn’t broken!)
LH – 30

Day 9 – July 4
Lining – hyper 6mm
Follicle – 14mm

Apparently, my follicle will only grow to 14mm.  This is not ideal. It should be between 17-22mm in order to be viable or to have a better chance at being fertilized.

This was disappointing news, it meant that I would not be having the procedure.  Good news, I did surge on my own. So I took that as a win.

Going to a medicated round

I was pretty disappointed but wanted to immediately start meds for my next round.

I was, however, informed that before I can start taking the meds I will need to see a doctor.  And the next available appointment was 11 days after my next period started.

This was not great news, I didn’t want to wait for another cycle before I could try again! Needless to say, I was very disappointed but left with that appointment booked.

If you are trying to get pregnant without a medicated round, but, like me, think you might need meds to get pregnant, don’t do what I did and wait until the first time fails. Or fails to happen as in my case. Book that doctor’s appointment for after your first round, but before your next period so you can hopefully get the meds for your second round.

Doctor visit

So on July 28th, 11 days after my period, I went in to see my doctor. I had been going daily to get checked again (in case my egg decided to grow) and it hadn’t. The doctor said that because I was showing like a day 3, we could go ahead and try the drugs this round!

WOOHOO!!

I was so incredibly pumped.

The doctor and I spoke about what the drugs were and how to administer them. We also spoke about the risk of multiples. Using the drugs means that I would have a 15-20% chance risk of having twins.  I had always wanted to have twins, however doing this on my own meant that 1 child would be ideal. 😀

I went to the pharmacy in the clinic and was given the drugs. If you’ll remember, I am not a huge fan of needles, and now I had to give myself needles… twice a day……ug.

If you have gone through this process, what was your least favourite part? If you are just starting out, what are you nervous about?

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

Early appointments, blood tests, results, oh my!

Wondering what it takes to become a single mom? Lots of early appointments and blood tests to start! Read on to find out what is involved in becoming a Single Mom By Choice. After that first appointment, I was excited! I couldn’t wait for it all to happen and I have zero patience for waiting for things I want, so this entire process seemed like it would take forever!!!

There are many doctors appointments. And mine were all in the morning. I am so NOT a morning person. Getting up extra early, to be at an appointment for 7 am, when I am usually not even up at 7 am, was hard for me (even with the excitement of what I was doing). I would LOVE to say I got used to it, and waking up got easier and was a delight, but no. It sucked. The whole time. Yes, I loved it because it was going to make me a mom.  But early mornings are not my jam. (Yes the irony of me hating to get up in the morning and wanting a baby that gets up in the morning is not lost on me.)

The first few appointments are all about asking questions, finding out what you need, why you are doing it, and getting referrals for blood work. A lot of blood work. I don’t like needles so this was a treat. I also had to make an appointment with one of their counsellors on staff to talk about what I was doing, to see what my support network would be like (spoiler alert – it’s awesome). Bring something to take notes. If you can, bring someone with you to these appointments (other than the counsellor one for obvious reasons). It helps to have someone there when the doctor is talking to you about everything. My mom came to a few appointments, but I wish she was able to come to more.

I was told that having insemination is the same as having regular sex, in that the chance of pregnancy is the same. This I found very interesting. I kind of thought it would be higher because it is by passing a lot of swim space and getting straight into the uterus. That and they wash the sperm so all the little not so great guys don’t make it!

So with this new information I went and got my blood work done STI tests and I paid to get my AMH test done. Typically they don’t do this test until you are close to or over 40.  But my with my family history of fertility and early menopause, I asked for this test anyway.

Good thing I did.

I suggest EVERYONE should get this test. Push for it if they say you don’t need it. Say you want to cover all your bases, that you want to know everything about your fertility right away. Pay for the test.

Basically, this test tells you how many eggs you have. Now it isn’t going to tell you that you have 5 left, but it gives you a number range.  If I remember correctly,

40-60 (I have no idea what the unit of measure is…) is Excellent

21-40 is Satisfactory

0-21 is low.

Well, I was 8.

Yes, single digit, lucky number 8. (Literally.This is my lucky number….)

This was disheartening of course.

However, I did come back STI free! (not that there was a concern) but I had to celebrate something right?

So in April when I got my results, my doctor and I spoke about what would be best for me.  Now remember, I was older, 36, and had low fertility. I had hoped to start the process sometime in September and asked if I could wait to start. The doctor said, and I quote,

“You could wait a few months, but I wouldn’t wait a year.”

Well with news like that, waiting went out the window.

I decided to try an unmedicated round first, and then I would do medication after if that didn’t work.

So it was time for me to go home and find a donor.

 

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

10 Ways to Pick Donor Sperm

Picking donor sperm can seem like a daunting task. There are so many sites and choices. So the first thing you really need to do is check with your clinic and find out which donor sites they use. You don’t want to spend time looking on one site only to find out they don’t work with your clinic.

Also if you are Canadian (or just not American) make sure your donor is compliant with your country.

 

Here are my top 10 tips for picking a donor.

Deciding to be a Single Mom by Choice is one difficult decision. So is picking the donor sperm! The other genetic half of your dream baby. If you are struggling to pick a donor read on for 10 fun tips to help you decide!

  1. Make it a game

While this is super serious, I mean you are picking out the donor of the other half of the gene pool for your child, it should be fun too. I thought of it as online dating. I swiped left so to speak on any donor I didn’t find attractive. That helped to narrow down the search, as it can be quite overwhelming at first.

  1. Get friends and family involved

If you do a search you may come across people who have done Donor Parties. This was not my thing, but it sure did look fun!! People would come up with a theme, many of which were penis-themed. They would then decorate, have treats and games that matched their theme and created a festive mood. It looked like many people did this when they had already narrowed down their sperm donor search. While others did it to narrow down their donor search. The choice is yours, have fun with it!

  1. Wine

No not whine about it, WINE about it. Enjoy a beverage. Sit back, relax, maybe light some candles and play soft music. Whatever gets you in the mood. 😀  The goal is to relax and feel comfortable, well that and pick out the sperm donor to help you create a baby!

  1. Clear your schedule

You need time to go through all the donors. There can be many depending on what you are looking for. Block off an evening, turn off your phone, log off Facebook, you don’t want to accidentally post something to FB! And really zone into what you are doing.



 

  1. Take notes

Print out your sperm donor list and have paper and pen handy. This way as you go through the list and start knocking donors off it, you can cross them out.  You can take notes beside the donors you are interested in. Try writing a little blurb stating why you picked them or didn’t. This way when you go back later you will have something to jog your memory about why you didn’t cross him off your list.

  1. Know what you want

Make sure you have an idea of what you want before you start. It can be overwhelming to see so many options and all the sperm donors that go with them. Know what is non-negotiable and what you’d like and maybe what you don’t care about. Don’t feel bad about crossing a donor off your list, because of a medical condition that you don’t want to add into your genetic mix. This is your child, and you have to do what is best for you and your baby!  It also narrows your choices down because not all donors will have your must haves or must not haves…

  1. Keep your options open

While you may want blue eyes and blonde hair, you may discover that that doesn’t leave you with much choice.  Print off that list and then search again, blue eyes and brown hair for example which will give you a bigger list. Once you have access to their photos you may find that many of these donors were blonde once too!

  1. Time to be picky

Once you have gone through and narrowed down your list, you may still have quite a few donor choices on there (I know I did). So now is the time to get picky. Take your would be nice to haves and apply them to the list. Did you want your child to have the same blood type as you? Cross off that donor (or in my case move their names down the list). Be picky about looks if you want, look for a specific face shape, detached or attached earlobes. Hair type. Anything at this point that appeals to you.  After all, you want your baby to look like you too!

  1. Give yourself time

Now that you have your donor list narrowed down, take a break. Put away your info, let your brain decompress, and give yourself some space from it.  A few days away from thinking about it may give you new insight and help you make a final decision. Just don’t wait too long. There is a chance that some of those donors won’t be there when you go back to it (trust me on this).

  1.  Have fun

While this is a life-changing decision, have fun with it. It shouldn’t be causing you stress or loss of sleep. Remember that no matter which donor you pick, this baby is going to be half you!! Go with your gut. Take what friends and family say with a grain of salt.  Remember it is your choice and you don’t have to share the final pick with anyone you don’t want to.

 

Want to read about how I chose my donor? Click here.

 

Leave me a comment and let me know if there is anything you think I should add to this list. And remember, sharing is caring! 

Happy choosing!

 

 

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

Deciding to be a Single Mom by Choice is one difficult decision. So is picking the donor sperm! The other genetic half of your dream baby. If you are struggling to pick a donor read on for 10 fun tips to help you decide!

Deciding to be a Single Mom by Choice is one difficult decision. So is picking the donor sperm! The other genetic half of your dream baby. If you are struggling to pick a donor read on for 10 fun tips to help you decide!

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

The day I decided to be a single mom

I have always wanted to be a mom. The 'normal' way didn't work out for me, so I chose to go the Single Mom By Choice route. Come check us out and follow along on my journey in single motherhood.

I have always wanted to be a mom.  Not in the “what do you want to be when you grow up?” kind of way. (And power to you if that was you! You do you girl!) But I have always known that being a mom was on the horizon for me.

Things didn’t work out the way that I thought they should.  We are taught, consciously or not, that we go to school, date someone, get engaged, get married, buy a house, have kids.  Bam.  Life.

I started out on the “right” path, I finished high school, went to college and university.  I dated two guys seriously (not at the same time!) Then it came time for me to finish my schooling.  In 2005 I made the decision to go to Australia for 2006. It was hard, it ended an already dying relationship, but it was the best decision I made!  I had a fabulous time. I finished my education, I travelled, I experienced new things. It was the best.

My Career

When I came home I was focused on my career. Or lack of career… I worked at a sports store while volunteering in a classroom and living at home.  It wasn’t easy and didn’t leave much time for me to date.  But it paid off.  In 2008 I got accepted as a supply teacher! I continued to work part-time on top of this. Talk about busy. But my dreams were coming true!

I was very lucky, I only supplied a few months before I landed my first LTO (long-term occasional for you non-teachers). I hopped from LTO to LTO until I snagged a half time, permanent position in 2010 at a small school in the country.

Now that I was permanent, I stopped the part-time work (not so smart now that I look back on that! Hello extra money is great!) but was still busy with the planning and organizing that comes with teaching a new grade. I dated a bit, but nothing serious.

single mom by choice

Dating

During this time most, if not basically all, my friends were married or engaged or having babies, or some sort of combination of all three. So I decided to join a dating website to see who was out there.  

Not a lot. Maybe I was just being picky. Scratch that, I know I was being picky.  When one is still single after 30 odd years of living, you don’t just settle now! Dating sucks. People who say otherwise are married and crazy.  Dating is like having another full-time job.  But it is kind of like the movie Groundhog Day.  In that you are repeating the same day or in this case, the first date over again, but with a different guy!

This was frustrating on so many levels. I wanted a to be in a relationship so that I could eventually fall in love, get married, travel and see the world. Then start a family. It was incredibly frustrating that it just wasn’t happening to me.  I cried many a tear for this, in what I like to refer to as a pity party for one.

Relationships

Now don’t get me wrong, I did have relationships during this time.  I met guys through friends and through online dating but nothing ‘stuck’ so to speak.

So I began to think I was going to be single forever. This was hard. I didn’t want to to be single forever, I wanted to find someone. I kept thinking:

   ‘What is WRONG with me!!??’

   ‘What am I doing wrong?’

   ‘Why am I so undateable?’

Well-meaning friends kept telling me that it would happen. I would find the one… well, you can only hear that for so many years before you start to doubt them….

Now, I like myself. I think I am pretty neat. I don’t need anyone to complete me. I’m not looking for my better half, I am a whole person, by myself, I complete me.  What I am looking for someone to compliment me.  So while being single was (and to a point still is) upsetting, I have come to accept it. It is not the end of the world. My life is pretty sweet and I am pretty happy.  I have travelled quite a bit. I own a house, I have a car, I love my job, and my friends and family are simply the best. EVER. I have a great life!

But something was missing.

I still wanted to be a mom. That never changed.

I had always joked that I would do it by myself at 30, become a single mom.  Well, 30 came and went. I thought, maybe I will meet someone now, 30 is still young. If I am single by 35…

35 came and went.

single mom by choice
Tick, tock

I was dating someone, I thought maybe…

pweft… who was I kidding. He was NOT the right person for me. I ended that, dated someone else, but just wasn’t into it.  

Becoming a Single Mom

36 was coming up fast and I had a decision to make.  So I broke it off with the guy I was seeing (faded out, pulled away.. ghosted…whatever…) and took the first step to becoming a single mom by choice.

I told a few of my friends that I was serious and was going become a single mom (they were all incredibly supportive). I then found a clinic, printed off the referral form, made an appointment with my doctors and decided it is time to tell my parents about my plan.

Telling my Parents

I was frightened of their reaction. Would they be disappointed in me? Would they want me to wait to find “the one.” I had a myriad of thoughts and questions running through my mind of what they might say. After all, this isn’t how it is supposed to be! I was supposed to be married THEN have a baby!

Well, it turns out that I really had nothing to worry about. My parents were and still are, 100% on board with what my becoming a single mom. They were supportive and even excited! My mom wanted to be involved in the process; my dad was happy for me. I was delighted!

So, the day after I turned 36 I had my first appointment at the fertility clinic. My life as I knew it was about to change forever (so cliche but so true).

March 30th, 2016 was the first day of my journey to becoming a single mother by choice.

 

SaveSave

SaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSaveSaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave